People that love to write often feel being paid for publication is the benchmark of a “real” writer. So they read all the books on writing and dutifully send off queries, filled with hope and fear that one will be accepted: hope they’ll get the chance to be a real writer, fear they won’t live up to the challenge. Sadly, for some, their fears will turn out to be well founded. The emotional highs and lows of writing for pay will be more painful then they can bear. Shocked, wounded, these natural writers will put their dreams behind them in the mistaken belief that they’re not good enough to write for publication.

Why does this happen? Because books on writing often fail to tell the aspiring writer the one thing they most need to know: the marketplace demands more than talent. It demands that the writer be skilled at dancing between the emotional states of passion and detachment. It seems like a conundrum, and it is, so let’s unravel this riddle.

The writer filled with fervor for the process of writing produces the best product. And in the marketplace, that’s just what your article, poem, short story or novel is—a product. Products, whether they are romance novels or car wax, are pretty much processed, pimped and put on the shelves the same way. All sorts of people, from editors to advertising sales managers, have their hand in the marketing process. They have the power to tweak, alter and otherwise transfigure the product. As a writer, it takes emotional detachment to watch, even help as your beloved work is worked on.

The ability to call forth and control your emotional states is a primary survival skill if you hope to write for print. Can it be learned? Yes. In his book “Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More than IQ,” Daniel Goleman says the ability to master emotions often makes the difference between success and failure in people of equivalent intellectual abilities. He suggests these steps for increasing self-control: